Celebration of the American Revolution? I think not.

My question of the day is: Why the hell do we shoot fireworks on the 4th of July?

And I have asked this question several times today, each time coming up with some variation of, "Well, it's patriotic, and we're celebrating breaking away from Britain." (aside from the occasional, "Americans like to watch things go boom")

My real question is: How is this patriotic? I mean really, go outside and burn some money on your front lawn (as this is basically the equivalent of shooting some fancy 50 dollar rocket into the air and watching it explode). How patriotic do you really think that is? Really?

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On a happier note, my mother, the famous Bug-Eyed, Tree-Hugging Wife Swap Star, has created a montage of her best moments, starting with the oh so wonderful original footage.

It's pretty amazing. You can watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgLHTlQco68.

In case you were wondering to yourself in a very moronic fashion (as I am imagining you are, staring at the computer screen with a glaze painting your eyes as you read my blog, mumbling to yourself in frustration at all of the "big" words I am using - just kidding), yes, I am in fact that little girl from the Beaver/Smoak episode of Wife Swap.

But pedophiles, don't you dare come searching for me thinking you're going to take me to a cheap Days Inn and chop me up into pieces in the bathtub, leaving me to rot into oblivion. That won't work. My dad's almost as efficient as Liam Neeson in "Taken" (side note: Brilliant film!). Just kidding, again. He's more efficient with a hacksaw, more than anything. Watch out. He'll be coming after you with a power tool.

I also know martial arts. Kind of. Okay, for about half an hour in 6th period this year, a guy taught us defense mechanisms, and I kind of failed at it, so that's partially a lie.

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Um. Yeah.

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